Boomerang Kids and Mylar ballons

When my daughter's lease was up she moved in with me in my tiny apartment. This is temporary until she finds a job as a hair dresser and knows where she wants to live. We both work a lot. We don't see each other too much, but when she is there, the TV is always on Comedy Central. I've seen more of TOSH.O than I ever wanted to see. 

Having my daughter home after a year on her own is so different. She's funny now. She used to be mean all the time. Now, she's only mean some of the time. 

Last night she said she an elementary teacher that used to call her Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. I said your teacher obviously thought you were a drama queen like Marcia. She said it was only because she looked like her. She proved it to me. Hayley on right. Marcia on left. Then, she pulled up a recent unattractive picture of Marcia and said "Mom, that's me in 30 years."

Later, on the way to Texaco (also known as the local wine store) she is telling me about The Office when the mylar balloon finally lost its air so the whole office went to the warehouse to finally retrieve the balloon and realized how sad their lives were since that was the most exciting thing that had happened to them in a while. I have no idea why she was telling me this story. I'm trying not to put a lot of thought into it. Could be random chatter, or maybe our lives are too boring. Did make me think of the movie The Heat. Mine and Nicky's favorite quote when the cat is missing.  "Your cat got one look at your s***** life and said, 'no f******* thanks, man."

After picking out licorice and Cheetos, Hayley asks me to show her the fitness center at the apartments. We go there in a our work out clothes. She takes a look at the equipment and goes home. I guess walking up the stairs to the fitness center was her workout. I stayed and worked out.

I told Hayley I was going to make Chicken Alfredo with spinach and mushrooms. She tells me she just pinned a recipe for Moroccan chicken and she wants that. So okay...change of plans. 

I still had mushrooms and spinach, but we also made Moroccan chicken with lemon rosemary potatoes.

http://tamingofthespoon.com/moroccan-chicken/

You are supposed to refrigerate the chicken in the spices for 2 hours. We did 20 minutes in the freezer because we were hungry. It was good, but not earth shattering.

So as my cat's scar is healing, it has turned into a black heart. 

I hope everyone enjoys the wet Texas weekend we are going to have. I know we need the rain, but I need a golf fix soon. Nicky and I went to Florida a few weeks ago to play golf during the Texas ice storm. We can't afford to hop on a plane every time we want to play golf. 

Easy Low Carb Meals for One (Steak with Bearnaise and Mashed Loaded Cauliflower)

I've been trying to eat healthier and I joined the gym. Thanks to all my hard work of 5x a week, I have gained a whopping 4 lbs in 4 weeks AND my clothes feel tighter. I'm just going to keep on doing the right thing, and hope things turn around. I mean I was doing nothing and now I'm walking at least 8 miles a week and doing weights 4x a week. Urgh.

I also did a fitness assessment with a personal trainer. I never thought I was in that bad of shape and I'm in my government BMI range as normal. But yet, I scored below average or poor in every category for my age of 49. Well, I think the system is flawed. I know that I sure didn't want to do a fitness assessment at my age, but curiosity got the best of me. I think the numbers are skewed because the only people who agree to do assessments at 49 are those who do marathons and triathlons, which makes the somewhat normal people look really bad.

So I love Bearnaise sauce, but with my old recipe, there was a lot going on to make it including a reduction. Well, I found a much easier way for the lazy empty nester.

Microwave Bearnaise Sauce
Ingredients:

• Egg yolk
• Onion 1 tsp chopped
• White wine vinegar
• Tarragon
• Butter

Instructions

1. Plop some white wine vinegar into a microwave bowl with some butter and chopped onion. Heat it up a little to soften the butter and onion.
2. Add the egg yolk and tarragon. Stir it up and reheat.
3. DONE!

Steak

Having a grill is ideal, but since I moved to an apartment recently, I use the cast iron skillet method. Put steak on med-high for 4-5 minutes on each side so it is still a little bloody, but has quit mooing. Oh, and this sets off my fire alarm every single time. Drives me batty.

Mashed Loaded Cauliflower

Ingredients:

• Cauliflower
• Butter
• Coconut or Olive Oil
• Bacon bits 
• Cheese
• Chives

Instructions:

1. Chop up cauliflower in small pieces. (I only used about 1/4 of a head...cooking for one and still had leftovers.)
2. Boil for about 30-40 minutes until the cauliflower is easily pierced with a fork.
3. Drain water and add some butter, and a dab of oil.
4. Use a mixer to beat the cauliflower until smooth.
5. Serve and top with bacon bits, cheese, and chives.

Black and Decker Green Smoothies and The League TV Series

After a turbulent year....kids moving, me moving twice, commuting, etc., I joined a gym again. I went to visit several of them and due to traffic concerns (which might prevent me from ever showing up at the gym), I chose the closest gym to me which is LA Fitness. Previously, I was a member of 24-Hour Fitness for years in my old location. Well this weekend, I woke up and went to the gym at 7:30 am Saturday and realized, my gym is NOT open 24 hours a day. It opens at 8am on weekends.  I was forced to go to Walmart and kill 30 minutes. 

Before

So I'm making Green Smoothies every morning for breakfast. Not sure what got me on this health kick, but I guess it's a good thing. Some of my friends have those $400-500 blenders. Well that is not my style being that I am a cheapskate. I found a beautiful red Black and Decker for $29 at Walmart and I love it. I figured if you can make power tools, you can probably make a mighty fine blender. I was correct in my thinking. The Black and Decker rocks.

So here are my typical ingredients, but it varies on what is available in my house.

After

• Handful of spinach
• Handful of kale
• Cucumber
• Strawberries and/or 1/2 banana
• Lemon or lime juice
• Cinnamon
• Chia seeds
• Carrots/Avocado/Zucchini (maybe)
• 8 oz of Almond Milk unsweetened
• Handful of ice

It's not like I really enjoy this drink, but you don't really taste if because its cold and you chug it. At least, I'm getting a lot of healthy fruits and vegetables without having to eat yet another salad.

I watched a documentary years ago about curing diseases through juicing, but I prefer to have the entire veggies and fruit with the fiber. Gerson Therapy

I made a green smoothie for Nicky. He said he felt like he had been given some type of stimulant.  I don't seem to have that reaction.

So I'm back to doing weights and cardio.  I get so bored with cardio, but I found a way to make it happen for me. I watch Netflix on my phone. I have been watching The League. Each episode is about 21 minutes long. I watch two episodes while I do cardio. I have Nicky to thank for that find.

If you don't know about The League, it is about a group of friends in a fantasy football league. It is a very raunchy, super raunchy, but hilarious. I'm sure people probably wonder why I'm laughing hysterically while on the treadmill or elliptical. My daughter who knows nothing about football or fantasy football is enjoying watching it. I only have 2 seasons left, so I need to find another comedy TV series for the gym.

My daughter has suggested I start the entire series of The Office. 

Melia Golf Resort in Cozumel September

First time to Mexico during Hurricane season and it turned out awesome for us in Cozumel. See the crowd in the picture. Not so much for the peeps in Cabo San Lucas. Yikes. Nicky and I used all our combined points to pay for the airfare and all-inclusive hotel. Yea! Several years ago, I had about 48K points and American expired them for me. Thanks AA.

First day was a day of swim up bar. Learned that a Margarita at this all-inclusive was about 3/4 cup of tequila, a splash of another liquor (Cointreu?), and a splash of margarita mix. Awesome....well, if you don't need to be anywhere early the next day. The hotel staff was super friendly and helpful the entire trip. We had a beach view room, but were upgraded to a beach suite for free with a walk out room to our own personal Jacuzzi and the beach. 

Second day was golf. The Cozumel golf club is awesome. The workers are so nice and accommodating. The course and the greens were amazing. We were warned multiple time about the crocodiles, but were disappointed to NOT see any of them. You are not allowed to retrieve lost balls that are not on the fairway or near water so we brought 50 refurbished balls with us. We were too embarrassed to count how many were left at end of the round. We both had to walk the walk of shame after our round and the score card was surely eaten by an invisible croc. The golf course is also a bird sanctuary so many colorful birds. Our hotel stay included green fees which are expensive there...at least $150 a person. We only paid $62 for the both of us....I think that was cart fee and club rental.They provided herb smelling moist towels at the end of the round. 

Third day, we rented a clown car to drive around the island. We stopped at the Money

Bar. It has a nice little beach and you can snorkel on a reef nearby. The food....meh. The prices..meh. We kept driving on a road that had a bicycle symbol, but so was everyone else. Later found out that it was a bike only lane for the Ironman that was taking place over the weekend. Oops to us and a lot of other people. We were looking for the lighthouse and couldn't find it because the sign said Point Sur. I told Nicky  "Let's pull over at 7-11 to get directions...said no one ever in Cozumel". Anyway, we finally figured it out.

We then did the snorkeling trip from hell. I am a certified scuba diver and have dove in

Cozumel in the past. They drop you in a reef and the current floats you down the reef until the boat picks you up at the end. Easy peasy. I  have also snorkeled in Chankkanaub right on the beach just floating around.

At the lighthouse, a guide said he'd help us. He told us we'd have to snorkel out to the buoy WAY out in the ocean. You can't even see the buoy in the picture. It seemed really far and we were skeptical. We decided we could swim that far. Bless our hearts. We get to the buoy and this was the START of our snorkel trip. We are almost 50 years old. We swam against currents for an hour or more. Then, it was time to swim ashore, we are against the current again. Our legs and feet are cramped by now. For every two strokes you take to shore, you are taken back by the current 1.5 strokes. We finally get to shore and now we have to walk a mile back to where we started. Oh, and after all that huffing and puffing, I joined the gym tonight. My gym has a pool. Told Nicky I would probably never swim again. 

After the snorkeling trip from  heck, we stopped at Coconuts on back of island. Coconuts dropped off the photo books at our table. Back in the day, it showed bad Polaroid photos of boobs. It now has clear photos of much more graphic images. Almost pornographic, but not quite. Also, bring cash. They still don't have electricity over there and do not take credit cards. We also had two friends join us for lunch.

Next day, fortunately, we had scheduled a couples massage on the beach. Awesome. They even massaged our faces. Aaaawwww. We ended up on the beach and at the swim up bar. Note to self.....love Nick when he is tipsy. He repeatedly told me that I was "smoking hot".

Speaking of only taking cash...you need it if you lose your customs paper. Gosh darnit. I'm the most organized person ever and my fancy paper disappeared. Had to go to immigration at airport and then go to ATM to get pesos to pay my $27 USD ($300 peso) lost paper fee. Ugh.  

So my Citibank lets me make purchases in Cozumel, but Saturday night, when I'm back to Arlington (where my credit card is registered), I order a pizza and my card is declined to credit card fraud. Really? It is fixed now, but REALLY?

Inexpensive low carb nachos

Go Cowboys! Nachos sounded awesome but I'm trying to keep my carbs low, so tortilla chips are out and bell pepper is in. This recipe as I made it serves one.

My total cost of ingredients was $6, but I only used about $2 worth of them.

• Bell pepper $.99 (used entirely)
• Refried beans $.85 (used about 1/4 of a can)
• Cheddar cheese $3 (used about 1\6 of bag)
• Sliced jalapenos $1.50 (used just a few of them)

If you want to really low carb, nix the beans and replace with ground beef or shredded chicken. I was using what I had in my house today.

If you follow this recipe, it ends up being about:

204 calories, 11 fat, 15.5 carbs, 5 fiber, net carbs 10.5, and 11 protein.

1. Cut bellpepper into small pieces.
2. Top with beans or meat.
3. Add cheese and jalapenos.
4. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

Personally I prefer tortilla chips, but lets just do a quick compare.

My new favorite website.

What I've Learned from Crime Shows

Ocassionally, I get insomnia. My eyes are too tired to watch TV so I listen to crime shows. Every word is broadcast with lots of drama so need to watch. I've learned a lot. Keep in mind that these helpful hints are based on true events.

How to get caught:

• Leave your cigarette butts at the scene.
• Leave your beer cans at the scene. (Side note: beer cans are tracked by 15 minute lots)
• Video tape your crime taking place.
• Talk to your incarcerated partner about the crime on a recorded phone line. 
• Go into a store that has video surveillance and buy duct tape and bleach.
• Return to the scene...especially to help locate a missing victim.
• Google "how to commit the perfect crime"
• Kill your spouse while you are on Match.com.
• Leave your cell phone on with its GPS capabilities when commiting crimes. 
• Drive your vehicle with a body in it across toll roads or bridges with surveillance.
• Burn victims remains in your back yard barbecue pit.
• Just happen to have replaced the carpet, washed the car, or cleaned the entire house with bleach when the cops show up.

Things to ensure you do not easily become a victim of a violent crime:

• Don't be a stripper.
• Don't have an 'estranged' husband.
• Make sure your bra and panties do not match.
• Never open the door to:
• strangers
• your stalker
• your troubled teen and their signficant other that just got kicked out of another home
• your troubled niece or nephew
• your own grown overly entitled children
• Never talk about:
• the money you have in the bank or the big check you just got
• the money you hide in your house.
• your big life insurance policy
• Never have enough life insurance that the beneficiary will never have to work again.
• Be wary of all your neighbors or anyone with a view of your living quarters.
• Never let any one in the house to use your phone.
• Do not walk up to talk to a stranger in a car, or especially a van. As a matter of fact, never associate with anyone that owns a van. 

Things to know about stalkers:

• NEVER, I mean never, agree to meet with your stalker to talk about the situation. You will be killed immediately.
• There is not much you can do when you have a stalker except be afraid the rest of your life.
• When a stalker questions your whereabouts, be afraid.  They have already installed a GPS tracking system on your car.
• The judge may provide you with a protective or restraining order. This just makes your stalker really mad.
• When your stalker breaks the restraining order, and you go to court, the judge will thoroughly peave your stalker by putting them in jail for 6-14 days. Then, your stalker will leave jail and kill you.

Happy Friday! Keep it safe.

Paleo breakfast casserole FAIL

My daughter told me she wanted to do the Paleo diet so I thought I would do it too. As a side note, she told me she cheated the other morning. She ate three donuts and two Kolaches. I was like "That is not a cheat. A cheat is one donut. That was an all out binge".

I have been looking at new recipes. Well I found a breakfast casserole that sounded awesome on www.paleogrubs.com. I bought coconut milk and almond flour (because I could not find the recommended coconut flour). You are supposed to create a crust and bake it on parchment paper. 

First, I accidentally spilled half of the egg/flour mix on the floor. I could not find parchment paper at the store so I just figured it was now called wax paper instead. I spread the mixture that did not land on the floor onto the wax paper and put it into the oven. Immediately, my oven started smoking, but a little smoke does not scare me. I quickly Googled "Can I bake on wax paper?" Ummmm. The answer was no. So now I have wax paper and have no idea what it is good for. I threw my burning paper and crust away.

My pizza cassserole has no pizza crust. So here is what I ended up making.

• I cooked the bacon.
• I wilted spinach in the bacon grease.
• I added onions and garlic to pan and cooked it.
• I put the bacon on a plate.
• I layered diced tomatoes and spinach mix.
• I then added sliced avocado, chives, black pepper, and a squeeze of lime.

 It was way yummy. So much for the pizza part.