What I've Learned from Crime Shows

Ocassionally, I get insomnia. My eyes are too tired to watch TV so I listen to crime shows. Every word is broadcast with lots of drama so need to watch. I've learned a lot. Keep in mind that these helpful hints are based on true events.

How to get caught:

• Leave your cigarette butts at the scene.
• Leave your beer cans at the scene. (Side note: beer cans are tracked by 15 minute lots)
• Video tape your crime taking place.
• Talk to your incarcerated partner about the crime on a recorded phone line. 
• Go into a store that has video surveillance and buy duct tape and bleach.
• Return to the scene...especially to help locate a missing victim.
• Google "how to commit the perfect crime"
• Kill your spouse while you are on Match.com.
• Leave your cell phone on with its GPS capabilities when commiting crimes. 
• Drive your vehicle with a body in it across toll roads or bridges with surveillance.
• Burn victims remains in your back yard barbecue pit.
• Just happen to have replaced the carpet, washed the car, or cleaned the entire house with bleach when the cops show up.

Things to ensure you do not easily become a victim of a violent crime:

• Don't be a stripper.
• Don't have an 'estranged' husband.
• Make sure your bra and panties do not match.
• Never open the door to:
• strangers
• your stalker
• your troubled teen and their signficant other that just got kicked out of another home
• your troubled niece or nephew
• your own grown overly entitled children
• Never talk about:
• the money you have in the bank or the big check you just got
• the money you hide in your house.
• your big life insurance policy
• Never have enough life insurance that the beneficiary will never have to work again.
• Be wary of all your neighbors or anyone with a view of your living quarters.
• Never let any one in the house to use your phone.
• Do not walk up to talk to a stranger in a car, or especially a van. As a matter of fact, never associate with anyone that owns a van. 

Things to know about stalkers:

• NEVER, I mean never, agree to meet with your stalker to talk about the situation. You will be killed immediately.
• There is not much you can do when you have a stalker except be afraid the rest of your life.
• When a stalker questions your whereabouts, be afraid.  They have already installed a GPS tracking system on your car.
• The judge may provide you with a protective or restraining order. This just makes your stalker really mad.
• When your stalker breaks the restraining order, and you go to court, the judge will thoroughly peave your stalker by putting them in jail for 6-14 days. Then, your stalker will leave jail and kill you.

Happy Friday! Keep it safe.

Paleo breakfast casserole FAIL

My daughter told me she wanted to do the Paleo diet so I thought I would do it too. As a side note, she told me she cheated the other morning. She ate three donuts and two Kolaches. I was like "That is not a cheat. A cheat is one donut. That was an all out binge".

I have been looking at new recipes. Well I found a breakfast casserole that sounded awesome on www.paleogrubs.com. I bought coconut milk and almond flour (because I could not find the recommended coconut flour). You are supposed to create a crust and bake it on parchment paper. 

First, I accidentally spilled half of the egg/flour mix on the floor. I could not find parchment paper at the store so I just figured it was now called wax paper instead. I spread the mixture that did not land on the floor onto the wax paper and put it into the oven. Immediately, my oven started smoking, but a little smoke does not scare me. I quickly Googled "Can I bake on wax paper?" Ummmm. The answer was no. So now I have wax paper and have no idea what it is good for. I threw my burning paper and crust away.

My pizza cassserole has no pizza crust. So here is what I ended up making.

• I cooked the bacon.
• I wilted spinach in the bacon grease.
• I added onions and garlic to pan and cooked it.
• I put the bacon on a plate.
• I layered diced tomatoes and spinach mix.
• I then added sliced avocado, chives, black pepper, and a squeeze of lime.

 It was way yummy. So much for the pizza part.

Fort Lauderdale Review....meh

Hayley only gets two weeks the entire year off from school. For her summer break we decided on a beach trip. We didn't have enough time to get her a passport to go to Mexico...not entirely true. I wasn't going to spend $300 on an expedited passport. Typically, I do the Redneck Riveria.....Pensacola, Orange Beach, etc. The hotels were pricey this year. Flying to Fort Lauderdale and staying on beach was much less expensive than driving 12 hours and staying in the Redneck Riveria. Food was soooo expensive. Beach was nice, but no alcohol on beach, no frisbees and all kinds of rules. Lots of yachts and mansions. Will not go back unless someone gives me a free trip there.

We stayed at the Sheraton on the beach and I have to say that the staff were wonderful. Hayley and I had checked our luggage into guest services so we could run around while waiting on a beach view room to be available. Oh, and they upgraded us for free if we were willing to wait 2 hours..which we were.

We went to the pool and then went shopping. We got to the room and Hayley says we forgot our bags. "I'm like what are you talking about. We have our new stuff". She's like "No mom. We have no luggage." I called guest services and they immediately brought it up. They also brought me a bottle opener for my imported beer. Unfortunately, the hotel had no air pump, so we had to blow up our own air mattresses. 

We went fishing, we went on an airboat swamp tour with the Gator Boyz, and laid around on the beach. We were the only two people who had air mattresses. We did a lot of floating in the ocean. And yes, they cut up my huge Blue Runner to use for bait. 

Air travel was horrible. On our trip out early in the morning, I30 was shut down, and we were diverted off the highway. Got to airport and only ONE person working security. We wanted to get there early so we could have breakfast and buy magazines, but au contraire, we buckled in at 7:18 a.m. for 7:20 a.m. flight after RUNNING through airport and the plane pulled out at 7:24 a.m. We had no food and no magazines, but we made it. Whew. 

Way back was worse. AA flight was canceled for mechanical reasons and all later flights were booked. We located a US Airways flight with connection in Charlotte. We got to Charlotte. Our plane arrived but the crew was missing. Another flight canceled. 

So I've always heard that airlines put you up when you are stranded. Not true. I got a Desperate Traveler discount, so I paid a discounted rate of $75 to spend 6 hours in the Comfort Suites and I only had to wait on hold for 30 minutes with the Desperate Traveler program to find a hotel and shuttle. Blah.

We arrived at midnight and had to get back up at 6am for flight. See pic of hotel in Charlotte. We were waiting for the twins to appear. Very strange, but we immediately went into our room and turned on the TV. Deja vu. Family guy was on and immediately mentioned the Twins in the Shining. I got the chills. 

So we get up for the free breakfast and Hayley makes Belgian Waffles. She says "I could live here". I said "Where? Charlotte or Comfort Suites". She said "Comfort Suites....just for the free breakfast and waffles".

Hayley and I got last two seats on morning flight and I got first class. I gave it up to a young man in an Air Force uniform. How could I not? It was 4th of July and I didn't pay for that ticket and I didn't need free drinks at 10am. When I told him I'd trade seats, I was hoping he had 8A or something not too bad, but nooooooo, it was 28D with a stinky guy next to me and a baby behind me which made me feel better that I gave him my seat. I would have felt horrible if he was stuck in that seat. I received free wine (at 10am) and many thank yous from the young man and the airline attendants. 

We arrived home 4th of July. I asked Hayley if she wanted to stay the night at Nicks with us since her car was in Arlington already. She said "No". Nick asked "Why not?" The look on her face was priceless shen she said "If you spent 6 days with my mom, you'd go home too". She also said she wasn't flying or leaving Texas anytime soon. 

Did I mention how there is NO southern hospitality in Fort L? We talked to two nice ladies.....both from Texas...go figure. Another deja vu,  but one used to be a bartender at Blue Martini in Plano. I'm quite sure she waited on me before when I was that fun, single, Frisco girl that enjoyed half priced martinis in the Shops of Legacy. That, RA Sushi, and Gordon Biersch were regular hang outs for a few years.

Inexpensive Hair Coloring

I have not blogged in quite a while. Been super busy lately. Busy at work and playing quite a bit of golf and not really getting much better.  Blah. Shooting about 100 on most days. Me and my pitching wedge are at odds lately.

Hayley gets only one week off this summer, so I decided to  taking her to Fort Lauderdale for her break. I have never been to that side of Florida, but it was very inexpensive...well at least for airfair and hotel...the rest is yet to be seen. We may do an airboat tour, and a tour of the Intracoastal Waterway mansions.....depending on how we feel. We may lay on the beach with books. Hayley is easy going and spontaneous. We travel well together, so really looking forward to this trip.

Hayley has been coloring my hair for free for the past 6 months while in school at Aveda. She has done a really great job. Anyway, the 'free' part stops now. She has been there long enought that she can take appointments now. So if anyone, wants to book with her, please get in touch with me and I'll give you her information. Aveda is in Dallas off of 75 and Park. Half head highlights are $44, full is $50. Here is the full price list. 

Aveda Student Prices

She loves to color hair and is ready to do anyone we know. However, she has informed me that she wants to practice cutting hair on complete strangers.  I asked her to texturize my hair for me recently and she said if I had seen her mannequin after she tried texturizing, I would not have asked. Honesty is one of her endearing qualities.

It is amazing how many people go to Aveda Institute and get their hair done the day of their wedding. Hello, it is a school. 

I hope everyone is having a great summer. The weather has been pretty mild and just plain awesome.

2011 Camaro Review

In December I bought my car, Snowflake, off of a sheet of ice. I traded in my BMW Z4. I'd like to talk about the pros and cons of the Camaro SS.

Figures that my car pic has Nick in it and not me.

Snowflake is beautiful and so was the Z4. One of my favorites features of both cars is the heated seats. You can almost drive top down in any weather if your bootie is warm. I  now have a backseat which would be perfect for a gym bag, but I quit the gym. Not big enough for people, but works for golf clubs, laptops, etc.

I love the Heads Up display in the Camaro. I love the speed and the little growl it gives you when you start it up. The Cons: It is clunky and drinks gas like an alcoholic drinks free vodka. The visors are tiny. Never thought I'd have a complaint about a visor, but it is the worst sun visor ever. There is some kind of cover thingy to use when the top is down, but it looks like it is going to fly off so I don't use it.

I was visiting Hayley recently. We were going to lunch on Greenville. Hayley tells me I need to "Bust a Bitch".....aka do a u-turn. Well, the Camaro does not whip around like a Z4. I had to pull into a parking lot, turn around, and then go back out. I need several lanes to bust a bitch these days.

I STILL can't park and it's been four months now.  When the kids were little I had a string of SUVs. I don't understand why I cannot park this car.  Every day I pull into my parking spot. I open the door and look out to see where the line is. Then, I shut the door, put it in reverse and straighten myself back out. Nick laughs at my parking most days at the house.

With that being said, I love the car and get compliments on how pretty it is weekly. The commute from Arlington is killing me. I have a small dent already (????) and I already have a chip in the windshield. For some reason, it doesn't matter how far out in a parking lot I park, I will come back out of a store or restaurant and will be surrounded by big white pick up trucks. Urgh.

So Nick and I are going to the Meacum auction in Houston this week. Look for us on TV.

Thursday April 10
Esquire: 11:30 AM - 3:00 PM Live
NBCSN: 3:30 PM - 6:30 PM Live
MECUM.COM: 6:35 PM - 7:00 PM Live

Friday April 11
Esquire: 11:30 AM - 2:30 PM Live
NBCSN: 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM Live
MECUM.COM: 6:10 PM - 7:00 PM 

Summer is coming. Getting ready for some golf.

Feline Leukemia In Rememberance of Billie Jean

Hayley got a new kitten the same month Michael Jackson died and she decided to name her Billie Jean. She's the gray kittie in the picture. Peaches is the orange cat. 

Hayley took BJ to the vet for her shots and the vet told her BJ had feline leukemia and needed to be put down immediately. Hayley frantically called me crying. I told her that we would think about it and keep Billie Jean until she started feeling bad. We thought she wouldn't make it too long, but we wanted to make her happy while she was healthy.

The vet had a digital picture frame for client pet pictures. Billie Jean's photo was of her wearing a spiked collar, claws out, and yowling. We would laugh every time we saw it. 

Billie Jean almost made it 5 years. She was not the friendliest cat, but she liked Hayley. BJ had a great life til the end. She had many dog friends that she played with over the years.

Hayley said she was going to get a new kitten after putting BJ down. In the meantime, she borrowed Peaches for a few days. I asked her this week about getting another cat. She said she "I can envision myself never cleaning a litter box again". So today, she said she's going to the animal shelter "Just to look". 

Billie Jean is missed.

Aveda Cosmetology School

So Hayley tells me she needs a 'model'. In reality, she needs a guinea pig to practice her hair stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I went in for a shampoo, conditioner, and blow dry. These are my before and after pictures. So how does this happen? According, to Hayley a boar's brush is key to smooth hair along with Aveda Smooth Infusion Style Prep.

So I'm going to "model" the next two weeks. After Saturday, I'm going to be a brunette for an entire week. Not too happy about that since it is time for my summer blonde. But, next weekend, I get a partial head coloring and will have blonde highlights. I've warned my coworkers in advance that my look will be changing weekly. 

So the crying and wanting to quit school has finally stopped. Hayley was not quite fitting in with some of the girls. FYI, Aveda is a stone's throw away from Highland Park. Frisco is a little uppity, but it is primarly Californians who sold their homes and could afford the so-called Texas McMansions----cookie cutter, but good-sized homes. Highland Park is wealth. No comparison.

She has since found her clique. They call themselves "the funny group that can't stand anyone else". Well alrighty then. As long as she stays in school, I'm good. Today, I tried to call her on her lunch break, but she was too busy "going to Chipotle with the girls".

Many people have asked if Hayley likes doing hair. Below are assorted pictures of Hayley's hair in the past year or two. Sometimes I don't recognize her myself. Sometimes people say she looks a lot like me....well that depends on the day.

This Texas weather has been horrible. Well maybe not horrible, but the weatherman told me it was going to be 70 today. I drove the convertible and put on high heel wedge sandals. Guess what? It is not convertible or sandal weather. I've since donned a UT hoodie over my work clothes and my toes are cold. Very professional....NOT.

I hope all my buddies with children enjoy spring break!

So I have been out of my house a couple of months now. It was funny, but the last time, I ran into my former neighbor, he said he was wondering what happened. He said "you were just gone". He thought maybe we packed up and moved in the middle of the night for some mysterious reason. Everything did happen suddenly, but it happned at 10am on a Sunday.